You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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