The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
