Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My liver just broke up with me...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
