If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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