haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
