there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
