i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
