I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
