Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
