I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
