she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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