Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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