u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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