oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tequila makes me forget i have legs
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drake has all the answers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
