Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
