i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
