Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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