If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
