five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
