Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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