I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
