Will you blow on my dice?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
