We're facebook friends in real life
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize