Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
