just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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