his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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