did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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