She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
