you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
