Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
