I have demons in me.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
