Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
