70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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