i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
