i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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