im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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