Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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