Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
