Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
