im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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