So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
