Soap is not a condiment
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
