plz talk dirty to me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
