Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize