how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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