how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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