I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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