dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
