Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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