it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
