I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We have started to decorate penises.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
