The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Swine flu is the new snow day.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
