giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
