that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
