That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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