Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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