um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
