Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
