hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
