I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Say something about gay babies.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
