if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
