Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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