somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
