If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
