ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
