I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
