thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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