We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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