They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
