3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My ass is underappreciated
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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