shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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