We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
